The tears she cried for him were never full tears because she loved him to much to cry.
"The ocean" he said
She smiled, there was nothing in the ocean and nothing ever will be.
"Pretty faces with bad intentions," he held out his hand.
false hope in the eyes of hate.
He stepped out of the shadows the black light burning in his death black hair.
He reached his hand out to her offering her a chance a piece of hope. But she turned her back to him.
I ca'n't go out of the house.
I should go out of the house I have library books to return and art supplies to buy.
But ever time I put my socks on I realize that I do'n't want to leave, not by my self anyway.
that i have had nothing important to say for a really long long time.
It's SMOwiNG it's snowing!
there is'n't really any on the ground but it's snowing!
Even though winter solstice was on Friday My mom and I went to our friends house on Saturday and rang in the sun, ate waffles and opened presents.
It was fun i guess. I do'n't think we are even really celebrating christmas this year. Which actually is fine with me.
Tonight Flea is having a girlie sleep over.
the chick who had a mohawk is coming, smurf, me, Artemis, and a lot of other girls it should be fun.
But we have to I have to wait tell Artemis gets off work at ten so she can drive us to Flea's.
"And all I can do is read a book to stay awake and rips my life away but it's a great escape."
I ended up driving my mom insane from bitching so much. So she let me out.
Alex was'n't home neither was Artemis.
So I called Smurf.
There was this Christian punk rock show going on at one of the churches were you needed to bring a canned food or toy to get in.
So we went there. It was kinda fun even though the music was christian
But I got to see a guy with his belly button pierced (which has been one of my life goals) His band was the best there because he was all hard-core and screaming and getting all emotional it was the best!
Almost everyone from the good old days was there. Cookie, Spike, mistress, both Frye's,Christ, Giant Buddy Holly Muppet Turtle.
My mistress was there along with her boyfriend spike.
And this guy tack who I've known for along time I guess I would consider him my friend but he's kinda creepy and he has a crush on me.
So I mostly hung out with mistress until her and spike left.
Then I moshed with Frye.
And all the girls liked my skull hat ; )
It is so weird that I've had 3 fun things (well the concert definiitely was not as fun as JELLO or camping) in 3 months. What the hell is going on I'm not supposed to have fun! Damn it!
Artemis got me a Images by David Bowie for the Holidays. Double vinyl!
I got her a skeleton shirt and a skull pin.
If i give David Bowie my heart he'll love me till tuesday. Or so he said.
I'm so angry.
First I've been "Holiday" (it's not Christmas it's holiday) shopping all punking day.
And I had 60$ but it was all gone with in a half an hour how did that happen?
So now I have no Christmas money and I still have gifts to buy.
So I'm home now and all I want to do is leave and relax with Artemis or Alex and his sister but I can because I have a fucking grid drawing to do which is due this Friday along with a self potrait. Then a week after winter break I have a stupid final project to do for drawing.
I told my mom I could work on my grid drawing Sunday but no "I have too much work to do tomorrow and blah blah blah. (like I'm really going to work on it tonight anyway)
It's 6:10 and I'm doomed to stay in my house all night with my mom and my stupid facehead grid drawing
whoa is me
I'm so angry damn holidays damn them to HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!
and while I'm bitching I might as well add it should snow!!!!!!
I wish it would snow!
I do'n't even like snow but It's December it's supposed to be snowing.
It makes me nervous that it has'n't snowed.
The thing were Dark Side of the Moon is supposed to corralate with Wizard of Oz.
It works, it's pretty crazy.
Everyone should try it sometime.
you start the record right after the third lion rower.
That was my exciting experience for the next few months .
On that cold day in the graveyard he told me his plan of leaving, told me he could go to Germany or the Netherlands, or England or any where but here and start over start a whole new life.
I always wondered where did this leave me?
And he told me that when he left for good I would know but neither of us would say anything we would just hug as we always did and then he would be gone and we would never see each other again. And that would be the way it's supposed to be.
BUT I DID'N'T KNOW! and I should have.
And now it's the way it's supposed to be and I've lost hope of ever seeing him again or even trying to conntact him.
Because he would never want to go back to old days. He never goes back and for him when he goes he is gone forever.
and where the hell does that leave me?
To wake up to his painting on the wall and his hand prints on the ceiling and the silly letters that I keep.
I miss him more than I can ever say.
That night we walked down the night street like two drunks and we were out our minds, drunk of each other's company. And I think you told me that you loved me but I ca'n't remember what I said. If I did'n't say I loved you too I'm sorry because I really did mean to.
We went to the tracks and you drank some wine and we talked about crazy stuff. And watched the moon rays pour down. We were on the tracks but I ended up waking in your room. I drew silly little pictures of you asleep on that ugly floral sofa. But when you awake to the telephone every thing was wrong and the truth came out. So we sat together and watched a weird little kid's cartoon on the small black and white tv and decided maybe we should run away. Like it meant something, like it would solve all our problems.
If you really would have run away I would have gone with you.
And we could be in England right now or Germany or the Netherlands. But we are'n't.
Two days after I went to your house, I thought I would never be able to see you again. And I all I could do was look at you from across the room. You in that silly yellow sweater. You told me later that your dad that night throw you against the wall. It made me cry and it still does because things are'n't supposed to be like that.
I waited day after day at that old weeping tree hoping you would show up.
I remember sitting in the pouring rain watching my reflection in the river blur. But you were already gone.
How come you never said goodbye? But maybe you knew it would be to hard. And maybe you never meant to leave. But I know you could'n't have stayed in this town.
As usual I was over reacting to everything.
Artemis called me after I got off the internet. I apologized to her but she did'n't know what for. When I told her for being selfish and stealing her friends she laughed. She said they are my friends too and there is plenty to go around. She also said that she could never be mad at me. I have'n't really felt that competitive since I talked to her. I guess I'm trying to work on being more caring.
On Wednesday Jello spoke in Madison as part of the Spitfire tour.
Artemis, Flea, Mr. Elwood, Elwood's friend "Edward" and I all went together.
We met up with The chick who had a mohawk, Her friend "Smurf", and My Power Ranger Friend there.
It was really really really keen.
Kris from Nirvana was speaking along with the chick who sings the I Kissed A Girl song, some gay/lesbian rights singer, and the head chick from PETA.
The women was making such a fool out of herself.
She kept on contradicting herself. It really pissed me off when she was talking about Hoof and Mouth Disease and how horrible it was animals being killed and burned alive. Which I agree is very sad. But then she was saying how she wished Hoof and Mouth would come here to prove a point to humans(which I forget what the point was). OK she is supposed to be for animals yet she wants hoof and mouth to come more animals to suffer and be burned alive to prove a point to humans?! That makes no sense.
The only thing that I agreed with is when she talked about how we send messages into space saying we come in peace. She was saying that yeah if you are bigger and smarter than us, then of course we come in peace but if you are smaller and we think you're bellow us we'll lock you in a cage do experiments in you and hell, if you taste good we might even eat you.
It is so true!
Here is where I stand. I eat meat. I do'n't think it's wrong to eat meat but I think it's wrong if the animals are killed brutally and tortured just so I can eat. That's not right. It's definitely wrong to kill animals just for there skin.
I mean no matter what something is going to die so you can eat.
WHAT ABOUT THE POOR VEGETABLES THEY'RE ALIVE TOO!
The chick who sings the I Kissed A Girl song. Sang some cool songs about George W. and Kathy Lee being her girlfriend.
Jello is so smart. He just seems to know a lot about everything.
I want him to be my social studies teacher or even better our president (vote for Jello!) Elwood wants him to be his sexual partner but who does'n't? Um yeah anyway heehehe ; )
Jello talked about patriotism and how we are uniting in hate. He did some good impressions of George W. Do'n't mess with Texas! He talked about baning chain stores and supporting local merchants. And how cigarettes make your breath smell bad during sex and how we should ban big tobacco.
And wondering if maybe Anthrax was being sent by the government to push the war along and to give MORE Excuses to take away rights. And how the government pushed the Gulf War along.
It was just really keen to here him and see him.
I got his autograph and he thought his pen was mine and tried to give it to me but I DID'N'T TAKE IT WHY?! Oh well. I'm glad I just got to hear him speak. Oh SHRINE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kris was talking about good stuff like democracy and true freedom but I do'n't know he was sorta boring. I did'n't like the gay/lesbian rights chick at all. I think it was good that they had some one to talk about gay/lesbian rights and to support the whole community but her songs where just I do'n't know I did'n't like her.
Yeah so it was fun.